10/5 Weeks out

Beginning 10 weeks out until NGA

I actually started prep after Thanksgiving last year. I took one day off for Christmas. I’ve been perfect on my macros every day. That sounds braggy. I don’t mean it to be, just that I felt so good and calm it isn’t hard. I have a lot of food. A LOT. I haven’t cut my macros yet at all since I started 11 weeks ago. I always do about a 20 week prep. I wasn’t sure how progress would be with all the hormone issues I’m having. I think I had a good week.

I started taking good pics about a month ago. I’m not sure why I waited. But in anycase.. here are the comparisons. I told you, this blog is the reality, not the instagram fairy tale. I have to chip away at every bit of progress.

4 weeks progress.

Food this week was great. I still have taco salad for lunch. I’ve been doing lots of raw veggies and dip. I use cottage cheese for the dip though. We have our prep food down to a science. We can order from Wal-mart’s app and they bring it right out to the car!

Valentines: We did a special meal. I have to say that I should not have tried to go into the grocery store on Valentines Day. All the pink cookies and cakes were really talking to me. I held back macros for dinner so I was hungry! NOOOOO.. that’s not the time to go shopping.

In prep, I try to have a steak or red meat once in while. I don’t really like it except for burgers. I freaking love burgers. We bought lean, grass fed filet and baked potatoes. We made Spinach Salad too. My goal was to have 2 Smore’s. I bought the right Graham crackers. The ones with the cinnamon sugar on them.

The steak, I could not even eat it. I just can’t even get it down. The graham crackers were like cardboard. I haven’t eaten those for ever so I guess they are different. GROSS. I threw those in the trash. Never mind.

Posing: Practicing every single day. My back is on fire!! I’m hoping it will get better and better. It’s really hard.


Always Be Posing #abp

Water: UGH!! Terrible. I need to get it together. I hate it so bad! I’m going to come back next week having hit my water goals. Committed.

Sleep: I had 3 great nights. I felt like a different human! It was freaking amazing. The rest were pretty bad. I know if I had better sleep overall, I’d be doing better on this project.

I have all my wardrobe for both shows!! My wings are coming this week, I’m told. I love my suits that were graciously sent to me by one of my team mates! ❤

Workouts: Never any issues. I have a lot of pole this week. I’m getting close on my show and need to step up my practice time.

Thoughts:
A few times this week, I looked at myself in the mirror with disdain and said “why are you even trying this?”
I was able to reset my thoughts and ground myself. This is MY project. It’s about what I can accomplish and I deserve to be on stage just as much as anyone. I am working really hard and focused. But I’m enjoying this process. I like documenting the journey so I can learn!!

I bought this up in one of my other blogs, but having done so much counseling, I don’t even crave things like I used to. I can’t explain that freedom and the relief. Had I not had all the trauma, I’d never have been someone who struggled so hard with eating disorders and using food to cope. But it is what it is.

In prep, I have been able to use it as a coping mechanism and not deal with my issues. It’s a good fit for someone like me and not in a good way.
When I hit the wall in 2017 after my last show, I took that time to get my mental health together. It’s been horrible. I’m not going to lie. Horrible.

All that being said, is just to say, this blog goes all the way back to 2014 preps. I can see growth. I hope that in the years to come I can read back on these posts and see even more growth!!

Bun. He’s happy you are here.