In our pole community, almost daily there is a post like this:
“My boyfriend/husband/partner doesn’t like me pole dancing. He said I’m a whore. He tells me I’m not very good. He tells me I’m dancing around the pole like a slut. He won’t let me go to class.
He won’t let me post my videos to my insta feed when I only do it so I can share my successes. He says I’m going to be a prostitute now. He said he doesn’t want anyone looking at me dancing. ..” ON AND ON AND ON AND ON..
Every one of the threads follows with some women saying:
“Try to explain to him, tell him we have to show skin for grip. Tell him you feel happy when you dance. Tell him, we all share videos so we learn.
Tell him you won’t dance exotic or wear heels.. Help him understand. He’s just insecure. Help him feel secure.. help him. help him help him…”
STOP IT. We need to stop it now.
We are grown women with autonomy over our bodies and we can make choices for our selves based on what makes us happy. It’s not our job to ‘explain’ ourselves.
Any human, for any reason who chooses their own perceptions over their partners happiness is TOXIC. It’s not about them. In fact, we don’t have to convince them it’s a ‘good thing’ because we know dancing is a great thing. It’s not up to anyone else!
And don’t be fooled.. this happens in my bikini/body building community too.
We have had clients husbands slut shame them on show day. It’s unreal!
This is not a dancing or sport issue.. it’s first of all a control issue and secondly an issue where grown women are taking up less space and encouraging each other to be accommodating to men /partners perceptions.
“But.. you don’t understand my relationship…”
Yeah.. I do. It’s toxic. When your partner degrades you, shames you and tries to control you, it’s their issue. They are abusive and toxic. The opposite of healthy. People who love you, care about you want you to be happy not sad and lacking self esteem.